What i hate most is people lying to me, even the slightest because small things could get pass , bigger and bigger ones will be coming?

I realize the most unexpected things always come so surprisingly , coming from unexpected person.

Seriously, the one that you trust the most, eventually hurt you the most.

Seriously one small lie , give me more space for thinking that there might be a bigger lie. wtf

i feel like i'm self-stabbing myself non-stop , it's hurts but lie came in and push even a bigger space.

It's hurts so badly inside, so the thing i most afraid of is happening to me again ?

I don't even know how to deal with it, i'm trying to be calm and just give myself some space for thinking.

Something happen two years ago might happen again, i injured myself and already killed myself once.

Am i going to kill myself twice?

If i don't solve this, more problem will come and bigger problem , i don't think my heart or my mind would be able to handle it.

How strong i am trying to be, i got killed once by the letter " L " .

I wonder why i always have this kind of things happening to me by 9 different person, maybe the first 8 is not that bad probably it's aint serious that much and probably too young then. The 9th one was a killer , i stabbed myself too many times, i end up killing myself.

i became alive again after going 6 months?

Now i'm wondering... maybe maybe maybe i don't even know i can handle this kind of thing the 2nd time.

This time it would hurts even more but definitely hurts way too much .

I trust too much , i hope too much , i dream too much or i love too much too?

Everytime im treated nicely , i feel like something went wrong and this action was just to make up for the wrong.

Is these actions just words? Is this actions just trying to make up for the wrong(s?) or purely mean it that way.

Which is real, which is not real.

Is all these things happening all these while been just a dream , is all these things just a show?

Or probably i'm the dumbest that stayed?

i still remembered two years ago, i died so hard , died so miserably .

I'm a in bad state of confusion , please just let everything be fine.

Please just let everything be better not the worst , I cherish and appreciated everything and I love with my everything .

I need my happy days back .

I couldn't just sit back and do nothing about it, this matter it a huge matter to me and it matters a lot to me.

I wish I didn't made any mistake .. I wish I didn't made the wrong choice.

I don't regret at all, because he's the best I ever had, my best friend , someone I look up to , my family , joy and goal  , my everything.